Desert Dreamers XIV

Previously: The family passed a slightly volatile Winterfest together, but it ended in Ana and Gracie's engagement! Then, after another top-notch acting performance, Ana indulged her vain side, only to be ignored by the paparazzi again.


Rafael and Alexis are practically inseparable these days. They're always holed up in Rafael's room together live-streaming their gaming sessions, though Gideon still manages to sneak his way in every once and a while to ask them if they're sure they don't need a third man.


Gideon: I know it's hard for you to believe, son, but I was cool once. Just wait until you're an old man like me. Then you'll see what it's like for your kids to hate spending time with you and regret all the times you turned me down!


Rafael: Dad, I really like him, okay? I swear to god, if you screw this up for me, I'll never speak to you again!
Gideon: Oh, you liiiiike him, eh?


Rafael is pretty confused about his feelings these days. He thought he was falling for Delilah, but now he has a similarly strong connection with Alexis, and he can't tell if it's romantic or friendly. But he's hoping things become a little clearer after this post-game cafe hangout. Because it's definitely not a date... or is it? How is anyone ever supposed to know?!?


Rafael: Oh, hey, man, I didn't know what you drink, so I got you a caffe latte. I hope you like it!
Alexis: Dude, I already got my own drink... but thanks, I guess?


Rafael: *chuckles awkwardly* It's cool, it's cool. Guess I'll just chug this extra coffee and stay up all night now! Aw, fuck... he's walking away. You blew it, idiot!


Turns out Alexis didn't leave the table to be rude but because he saw everybody else swarming around some celebrity and had an uncontrollable urge to join in, even though said celebrity is already well on her way out of the building.


Once Rafael manages to coax Alexis into a corner of the cafe that's a little more secluded, he takes his chances and dives in for a kiss. He thinks Alexis liked it, but he can't be sure.

(Meanwhile, the unexplained presence of a million little kids at a coffee shop after a dark is making this way more awkward than I had anticipated. That child can get out of here with his moaning and groaning over a little PDA!)


Gideon is trying to hold it together in front of his kids, but he's a little broken up because he just got the news that his beloved Aunt Nadia passed away. I feel really guilty for abandoning Nadia to an off-screen death, but it is what it is. I hope there's plenty of science to keep her busy in the afterlife.


He could definitely use a distraction right now and he loves fishing (despite the weird moral clash with his vegetarianism), so, sure, he'll join your club!


Gideon: Hey, wait a minute... Aren't you the hermit from Granite Falls?
Hermit: Oh, hey, man! *lowers voice* I try to keep that on the down-low. Really, it's only one small aspect of who I am. I am a man of many trades. I can't be tied down to one thing!


Sadly, Gideon's first Just for the Halibut meeting turned out to be a major bust because the pond was frozen over (it's still winter... duh! Oasis Springs keeps throwing me off!) and everyone just kind of stood around awkwardly playing on their phones and refusing to address the elephant in the room.


Gideon: Great, so now I'm even more depressed! Guess I'll just stand beside this ice-covered body of water for a while and cry my eyes out.


Now it's Rafael's birthday, which should be a happy occasion, but for some reason, he's all grumpy and irritated, too, though in his case I think it can be attributed to plain old teen angst.


Rafael, please, I know you're probably a bit distressed about both of your crushes being in the same place at once and having to ultimately decide between them, but get a hold of yourself! Even Alexis looks like he's had enough of your shit!


Rafael: I really appreciate you guys making this bad-ass zombie cake for me... but all I can taste is despair. I don't know why I'm in such a funk. What if nobody likes my content anymore when they find out how old I am?

Only a rising social media star would be worried about aging out of his profession when he turns 18.


Luckily, his mood is easily turned around after some quality gaming time with his friends.


Of course, his best friend of all, that good old reliable drone, was there to capture every moment of it, including his and Delilah's crushing defeat of Alexis and Whitney at foosball.


Now it's Alexis' turn to be jealous that Delilah is getting more attention from Rafael than he is. Will these two ever learn that they can hold equal places in Rafael's heart and bury the hatchet with each other?


Meanwhile, in Del Sol Valley, you'd think Ana would have gotten the hang of this treadmill business by now...


Gracie is supposed to be Ana's motivational coach for the day (since she's decided the gym trainers are way too intense for her). Instead, she's gorging on faux BLTs in the snack room. I've never related to her more.


In the yoga studio, this instructor looks supremely pissed off that the mere presence of Octavia Moon has caused the paparazzi to rudely interrupt his class.


Gracie: Hey, paparazzi man! Listen, everyone and their mother is going to be selling pictures of Octavia Moon, but my fiancee is an up-and-coming superstar. The only thing is nobody knows it yet, so it'll be an exclusive! You'll have the scoop on the next big thing, I promise!


Just in case that worked, Gracie decides to help Ana practice her action moves for her upcoming role in a public hallway that is conveniently in everybody's line of vision.


I'm hoping Ana is supposed to be the defeated and not the defeater. Otherwise, she may need to practice a lot more.


Ana: Thank you, thank you very much... Babe, why is no one watching us?
Gracie: I bet that stupid paparazzo got distracted by Octavia Moon doing beginner's yoga poses yet again!


The next morning, Gideon and Fátima are brimming over with excitement because it's New Year's Eve. Unfortunately, Ana is being a bit of a humbug because her shooting schedule once more overlaps with the holiday and she won't be able to properly celebrate.


Gideon: Oh, come on, aren't you feeling just a little bit festive? Have a cosmopolitan with us before you head off!


Ana: Oh, all right... HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR!


Over at the studio, she raises the important questions.

Ana: What's up with this whole working on the holidays thing? It really puts a damper on the supposed elitism of this profession, don't you think?

I doubt this costume designer and production assistant, both grossly underpaid, sympathize much with her particularly privileged plight.


Everyone has to sneak in their celebrating where they can, even in the middle of running lines one last time.


Ana: Listen up, fuckers! I've got a good buzz going, and I can feel it in my bones that I am going to nail this. Throw everything you've got at me! I can handle it!


Oh, I see we're back on the lesbian romance train. We stan two covertly in love lady detectives.


Director: My god. A work of art. This. Is. My. Masterpiece.


It's clear she put all her effort into conceptualizing that epic kiss because the rest of the scenes are entirely nonsensical.


Ana beats up this weird alien/lizard thing and then locks it up in a jail cell. Her performance is as convincing as ever, but I can't make any sense of this one way or another. Is this, like, Law and Order meets Supernatural? Is that really the Creature from the Black Lagoon, or is it a man in a mask? Is this about to turn into an episode of Scooby-Doo? If only it weren't for those meddling kids lesbians!


Anyway, it hardly matters because it made Ana into a rising star! You know, this paycheck might finally be enough to get her out of her parents' house and into a proper adult life with her true love...