Desert Dreamers III

Previously: While Gideon and Fátima left for a weekend retreat in Granite Falls, where they played a tedious game of horseshoes, encountered some rather frightening insects, and met a mysterious hermit, Ana was placed grudgingly in charge of defiant toddler Rafael.



Today, we open on Rafael calmly contemplating his existence atop a playground slide. Is he silently plotting his next rebellion? Fearful of what horror awaits at the bottom? Hungry for one of the hot dogs Ana just took off the grill? All of the above? None of the above? Your guess is as good as mine.


Sensing his trepidation to descend, Ana lends a helping hand.


Soon enough, he's got the hang of it, but I'm not so sure he's actually enjoying the experience.


The ball pit is so much more his style.


In the end, though, he finally got that hot dog, which is obviously the most important thing of all. We can officially call this day trip a success!


Back in Granite Falls, Gideon is highly disgruntled to have his serene early morning fishing experience rudely interrupted by a wild (man in a) bear (costume).


Gideon: Excuse me, ma'am, but are you really just going to let this guy make a mockery of your beautiful forest by running rampant all over the place? He's trampling everything in sight!


Gideon: *grumbles* Oh, great. They're friends. Forest nepotism at its finest.


Luckily, catching this huge, beautiful salmon quickly turns his day back around.


Meanwhile, Fátima has decided her preferred wilderness activity is cloud-gazing, probably because she didn't really pack the best wardrobe for getting down and dirty. Listen, just because she's from the jungle doesn't mean she's the expert on roughing it. She had a child to raise and a food stand to run, remember?


Gideon: Mmm, there's nothing like the sound of crispy insect shells crackling over an open fire...
Fátima: Aren't you supposed to be a vegetarian?
Gideon: Shit...


Fátima: Have fun with your impending moral dilemma, babe!


Gideon: Well, I guess there's no turning back now... *shamefully digs in*


Wow, what an unexpected outcome! I could not have predicted this at all! Honestly, I don't even feel bad for constantly forgetting about his vegetarianism. If he were that committed to it, you'd think he could stop himself.


To distract himself from the fact that he's now got once-living creatures settling inside his stomach and also because, you know, he loves her, Gideon decides to pop the question to Fátima right then and there.


They're not in any rush to officially tie the knot, considering it won't be much more than a piece of paper that has no bearing on the actual strength of their relationship, but what a beautiful way to end their vacation!


As lovely as Granite Falls was, Fátima is happy to get back home and start turning her perfect baby boy into a genius.


Ana is also over the moon to be relieved of her babysitting duties so she can finally have some fun of her own.

Ana: Hey! I know we haven't met, but you seem like a totally normal teenager who's down for a good time. Wanna hang?


Nobody is immune to the temptation of a slip 'n slide party!


Or to Ana's masterfully cool, calm, and collected slip 'n slide technique!


Unfortunately, her friend, whose name is Whitney, isn't quite so smooth in her attempt.

Ana: It's okay! I still think you're, like, totally cute... Oh my god, did I say that out loud?


Fátima: Aww, my baby's flirting for the first time. They grow up so fast!
Ana: Mom, we're not flirting, god... *uncomfortable laugh* Wait, are we flirting?


To keep herself busy while she sorts out her confusing feelings about romance and sexuality, Ana joins her school's drama club. She's already quite good at acting like a drama queen in real life, so this should be the perfect fit for her.


Oh, yes, I am already sensing great things for her future based on this stellar mirror acting alone.


Case in point: an instantaneous promotion. Watch out, Del Sol Valley, Ana Martínez may soon be taking you by storm!


Rafael, meanwhile, is choosing to illustrate his talents via the medium of musical farts. Lovely.


Fátima: Don't pull your innocent act on me, mister! I know exactly what you've been up to, and I am not happy about it!


Fátima: Oh god, that thing is rank! I will get you potty-trained if it's the last thing I do.


Oh no, I hope the stress of having a disobedient toddler in the house isn't putting too much of a strain on Fátima and Gideon's relationship!


No worries! Apparently, having a heated argument is their version of foreplay. Whatever works, I guess.


Fátima: You look like a cute girl! My daughter is also a very cute girl, and she's currently exploring her sexuality, but I think she's leaning toward the ladies, if you know what I mean. Can I give you her number? I think you two would get along very well!

This is what happens when your unemployed and over-involved mother has way too much time on her hands.


I can't tell if this is a sarcastic or genuine response, so I'm going to say there's a 50/50 chance we'll be seeing her again.


Fátima: Oh, I forgot to mention, her name is Ana! What's your name?
Townie: Uh, it's Gracie, but I've really gotta go now, so... bye. *under her breath as she runs for her life* Well, that was fucking weird.


We'll wrap things up this time around with a private, low-key celebration of Rafael's birthday.


He isn't quite so much of a mini-me as Gideon was of his father, but the family resemblance is there regardless.