Road to Selvadorada IV
Previously: We were reintroduced to Nadia, who became so frustrated by her mother's (really only slightly) overbearing rules that she immediately flew the coop as a young adult. She accepted room and board from Aisha and Shawn in exchange for providing live-in nanny services for their toddler son, Gideon, as they prepare to return to Selvadorada.
Hello, Selvadorada! Shawn and Aisha are back and ready to throw themselves at the feet of Madre Cosecha in adoration so long as she thoroughly blesses their second journey into her vast, green, unknowable depths.
Aisha: Machete sale, sweet! I'll gladly take every last one of those suckers off your hands, ma'am!
After having to cut their last adventure short when Shawn lost their only machete, they're going to be more prepared than ever this time: they will make it through to the end!
But, first: a brief rumbasim interlude.
Aisha is really starting to nail these moves; she almost looks like a proper native!
Elliot, how the hell do you even know Juan José? Have you been sneaking off to Selvadorada in your spare time? Do you have a clandestine Selvadoradian mistress I know nothing about? IS JUAN JOSÉ YOUR CLANDESTINE SELVADORADIAN MISTRESS?!?
Anyway, potential mindblowing revelations aside, Aisha and Shawn are truly integrated into the culture now. Nothing can hold them back! They were absolutely born to conquer this jungle!
Shawn: First visit, eh? Yeah, I could tell by the outfit. A bit of advice, my man: just go home now. It's pretty obvious you're not cut out for this at all. Trust me, I know.
Let's just take a moment to appreciate another romantic view before we fling ourselves into the great green unknown.
They decided to bring Dakota along with them. Since they found her here, they figure she'll be an indispensable asset in the jungle, as she should be able to alert them to any local dangers they encounter.
Nutmeg is here, too, fully by accident. Sorry, Nutmeg, you're cute and all, but you're not exactly the protector or guardian type. I just forgot to deselect your picture on the vacation screen. But Aisha is happy to have a familiar feline face around!
Before we irreversibly enter the jungle, let's check in back home to see how Nadia and Gideon are getting along. So far, she seems pretty confident in her parental abilities - or at least in her ability to cook a balanced breakfast without setting the kitchen on fire.
Nadia: Yeah, I am absolutely nailing this whole childcare thing! It couldn't be easier!
Judging by that grumpy expression on Gideon's face, it's about to get a whole lot more challenging...
Gideon: *makes a complete mess of his breakfast while barely eating any of it*
Nadia: This is fine! Everything's fine! It's a complete waste of food and those grease stains will never come out of the floorboards, but everything is a-ok!
Nadia: God, kid, just learn how to use the freaking potty already! Why must you make my job so difficult?!?
I'm sorry, but if she's already ready to give up after only a few hours together, she's never going to cut it as a mother to her own children one day.
Then again, she finally manages to pacify him with a particularly compelling storybook, so maybe there's hope after all.
Once she finally calms Gideon down, she decides to unwind with her newfound passion for woodworking. At least it looks like she's wielding her tools more safely now!
Meanwhile, look at how nicely Gideon is playing with his blocks, like a good little boy.
It's like Elliot just knows that Nadia is desperate for some adult interaction. She probably shouldn't, but she's really tempted to say yes and just hire another nanny for the two or three hours she's out.
Nadia: Ugh, how has it barely been half a day and I'm this exhausted already?!?
Gideon is clearly in his "I want my real mommy, and I don't have to listen to anything you say" phase right now.
Nadia couldn't help herself. She ended up hiring that extra nanny after all just to have a few hours of adult fun. Hopefully, this woman is better at her job than the Nanny of Many Vowels from Nadia's childhood.
Nadia: And good riddance to that awful, poorly-behaved demon child!!!
Oh, come on, he's not that bad. You have no idea the trials of toddler care I've experienced in the past!
Guess what? This nanny is so incompetent she couldn't even get Gideon to bed before he passed out in the upstairs hallway. You are a disgrace to your profession, ma'am!
Oh well. At least Nadia had a good time at her concert. Now, to the jungle!
Oh, um... I'm sorry to say that we must put a brief delay on the jungle for this unfortunately-timed cat reaping.
Aisha: I didn't think that bastard would be able to reach us all the way out here! I was so wrong.
But look! You still have Dakota to cuddle to your heart's content. I know she's no cat, but she's still pretty cute, right? Now, let's kick some jungle butt!
Aisha feels so much more confident in her skills this time that she sets about hacking through the first gateway alone while Shawn gets busy doing his archaeological thing.
I know it's hot and miserable, Aisha, but you can do this! I have faith in you!
Once she gets through, her decision-making skills are a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand, she totally succeeds at disarming the creepy totems. On the other hand, she only narrowly avoids getting eaten alive by a hungry jaguar.
Aisha: Whew! That was a close one! My life flashed before my eyes and everything!
Luckily, she survived to discover this crashed plane, which they didn't see on their last trip. Who knows how long this thing's been sitting here rusting out - or what happened to whoever was aboard.
There's not much else going on here other than more vine-covered ancient ruins, but it's still pretty spectacular to behold.
While Aisha may be fascinated by the historical implications of those ruins, Dakota is more concerned about the massive snake slithering its way toward her.
Dakota: *translated from dog barks* DAD, SNAKE! SNAKE, DAD! DANGER! DANGER!
All that frantically running from big scary snakes really tired the poor thing out. Looks like she's down for the count.
Meanwhile, is that a chest of buried treasure I spy hidden behind a bunch of greenery in the corner?...
Yes, it is! A wondrous bounty surely awaits!
And a blessing, too! What a momentous occasion. The gods are truly smiling upon us.
Aisha: Yeah, your homegirl just got majorly blessed over here. No big deal!
And the blessings just keep rolling in!!!
Meanwhile, Shawn is preoccupied getting blessed by some overly friendly creepy crawlies.
Aisha: Oh, what the fuck? Now they're all over me!
Shawn: I'm sorry, babe, but I can't even stand to watch. Good luck.
Aisha: Maybe you wouldn't have had it so rough if you'd been smart enough to bring along some bug spray, you big idiot!
Dakota woke from her nap a while ago and has since been jumping into every bush she sees to tussle with random jungle creatures. I guess she's found some bravery since encountering that snake!
Huh. Who knew garden variety squirrels were such a common fixture of tropical jungles?
It's getting pretty late, and rather than get lost stumbling around in the middle of the night, Aisha and Shawn decide to set up their tent and build a fire next to this waterfall. That must be the most gorgeous campsite I've ever seen.
Aww, I think Dakota is in love with it, too!
Shawn: Good evening, my beautiful wife. May I interest you in some... luxury tent woohoo?
Just kidding. Everyone was thoroughly exhausted, so they went straight to sleep. I can't wait to see what surprises await them in the morning!
Hello, Selvadorada! Shawn and Aisha are back and ready to throw themselves at the feet of Madre Cosecha in adoration so long as she thoroughly blesses their second journey into her vast, green, unknowable depths.
Aisha: Machete sale, sweet! I'll gladly take every last one of those suckers off your hands, ma'am!
After having to cut their last adventure short when Shawn lost their only machete, they're going to be more prepared than ever this time: they will make it through to the end!
But, first: a brief rumbasim interlude.
Aisha is really starting to nail these moves; she almost looks like a proper native!
Elliot, how the hell do you even know Juan José? Have you been sneaking off to Selvadorada in your spare time? Do you have a clandestine Selvadoradian mistress I know nothing about? IS JUAN JOSÉ YOUR CLANDESTINE SELVADORADIAN MISTRESS?!?
Anyway, potential mindblowing revelations aside, Aisha and Shawn are truly integrated into the culture now. Nothing can hold them back! They were absolutely born to conquer this jungle!
Shawn: First visit, eh? Yeah, I could tell by the outfit. A bit of advice, my man: just go home now. It's pretty obvious you're not cut out for this at all. Trust me, I know.
Let's just take a moment to appreciate another romantic view before we fling ourselves into the great green unknown.
They decided to bring Dakota along with them. Since they found her here, they figure she'll be an indispensable asset in the jungle, as she should be able to alert them to any local dangers they encounter.
Nutmeg is here, too, fully by accident. Sorry, Nutmeg, you're cute and all, but you're not exactly the protector or guardian type. I just forgot to deselect your picture on the vacation screen. But Aisha is happy to have a familiar feline face around!
Before we irreversibly enter the jungle, let's check in back home to see how Nadia and Gideon are getting along. So far, she seems pretty confident in her parental abilities - or at least in her ability to cook a balanced breakfast without setting the kitchen on fire.
Nadia: Yeah, I am absolutely nailing this whole childcare thing! It couldn't be easier!
Judging by that grumpy expression on Gideon's face, it's about to get a whole lot more challenging...
Gideon: *makes a complete mess of his breakfast while barely eating any of it*
Nadia: This is fine! Everything's fine! It's a complete waste of food and those grease stains will never come out of the floorboards, but everything is a-ok!
Nadia: God, kid, just learn how to use the freaking potty already! Why must you make my job so difficult?!?
I'm sorry, but if she's already ready to give up after only a few hours together, she's never going to cut it as a mother to her own children one day.
Then again, she finally manages to pacify him with a particularly compelling storybook, so maybe there's hope after all.
Once she finally calms Gideon down, she decides to unwind with her newfound passion for woodworking. At least it looks like she's wielding her tools more safely now!
Meanwhile, look at how nicely Gideon is playing with his blocks, like a good little boy.
It's like Elliot just knows that Nadia is desperate for some adult interaction. She probably shouldn't, but she's really tempted to say yes and just hire another nanny for the two or three hours she's out.
Nadia: Ugh, how has it barely been half a day and I'm this exhausted already?!?
Gideon is clearly in his "I want my real mommy, and I don't have to listen to anything you say" phase right now.
Nadia couldn't help herself. She ended up hiring that extra nanny after all just to have a few hours of adult fun. Hopefully, this woman is better at her job than the Nanny of Many Vowels from Nadia's childhood.
Nadia: And good riddance to that awful, poorly-behaved demon child!!!
Oh, come on, he's not that bad. You have no idea the trials of toddler care I've experienced in the past!
Guess what? This nanny is so incompetent she couldn't even get Gideon to bed before he passed out in the upstairs hallway. You are a disgrace to your profession, ma'am!
Oh well. At least Nadia had a good time at her concert. Now, to the jungle!
Oh, um... I'm sorry to say that we must put a brief delay on the jungle for this unfortunately-timed cat reaping.
Aisha: I didn't think that bastard would be able to reach us all the way out here! I was so wrong.
But look! You still have Dakota to cuddle to your heart's content. I know she's no cat, but she's still pretty cute, right? Now, let's kick some jungle butt!
Aisha feels so much more confident in her skills this time that she sets about hacking through the first gateway alone while Shawn gets busy doing his archaeological thing.
I know it's hot and miserable, Aisha, but you can do this! I have faith in you!
Once she gets through, her decision-making skills are a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand, she totally succeeds at disarming the creepy totems. On the other hand, she only narrowly avoids getting eaten alive by a hungry jaguar.
Aisha: Whew! That was a close one! My life flashed before my eyes and everything!
Luckily, she survived to discover this crashed plane, which they didn't see on their last trip. Who knows how long this thing's been sitting here rusting out - or what happened to whoever was aboard.
There's not much else going on here other than more vine-covered ancient ruins, but it's still pretty spectacular to behold.
While Aisha may be fascinated by the historical implications of those ruins, Dakota is more concerned about the massive snake slithering its way toward her.
Dakota: *translated from dog barks* DAD, SNAKE! SNAKE, DAD! DANGER! DANGER!
All that frantically running from big scary snakes really tired the poor thing out. Looks like she's down for the count.
Meanwhile, is that a chest of buried treasure I spy hidden behind a bunch of greenery in the corner?...
Yes, it is! A wondrous bounty surely awaits!
And a blessing, too! What a momentous occasion. The gods are truly smiling upon us.
Aisha: Yeah, your homegirl just got majorly blessed over here. No big deal!
And the blessings just keep rolling in!!!
Meanwhile, Shawn is preoccupied getting blessed by some overly friendly creepy crawlies.
Aisha: Oh, what the fuck? Now they're all over me!
Shawn: I'm sorry, babe, but I can't even stand to watch. Good luck.
Aisha: Maybe you wouldn't have had it so rough if you'd been smart enough to bring along some bug spray, you big idiot!
Dakota woke from her nap a while ago and has since been jumping into every bush she sees to tussle with random jungle creatures. I guess she's found some bravery since encountering that snake!
Huh. Who knew garden variety squirrels were such a common fixture of tropical jungles?
It's getting pretty late, and rather than get lost stumbling around in the middle of the night, Aisha and Shawn decide to set up their tent and build a fire next to this waterfall. That must be the most gorgeous campsite I've ever seen.
Aww, I think Dakota is in love with it, too!
Shawn: Good evening, my beautiful wife. May I interest you in some... luxury tent woohoo?
Just kidding. Everyone was thoroughly exhausted, so they went straight to sleep. I can't wait to see what surprises await them in the morning!