Road to Selvadorada I

Here's the deal: I was getting a bit bored of Elliot and Madeline's whole typical suburban family lifestyle, but I was also having trouble figuring out exactly what to do with Aisha and Shawn that wasn't either a. cat-related or b. baby-related (thus leading me back to my original problem of being bored of predictability).

Then I realized I hadn't paid much attention to Shawn's lifelong aspiration; in fact, I had never even glanced at it. When I finally did, I was surprised and delighted to discover that he wanted to be a renowned archaeologist. This was something I could get behind: a chance to explore a side of the game I had previously ignored and a way to breathe life back into my current crop of Sims. So, without further ado, I think it's time we take a little vacation to Selvadorada.

But first...

Death must coming a-knocking, as he always does. Clearly, Aisha and Shawn are devastated, but I can't get too worked up because Cashew lived a long and happy life and is now off to be eternally pampered in kitty heaven. (Plus, cynically, her death means one less feline mouth to feed.)

Luckily, a kiss or two is all it takes to raise their spirits. Meanwhile, the Grim Reaper looks like he forgot to program his GPS and is therefore shit out of luck when it comes to returning to his hellish domain.

Which, in the end, turned out to be to his benefit, since mere hours later he was back, already hungry for another reaping.

Shawn: Jesus, not this guy again! I knew we should have double-checked that all the doors were locked!

Aisha: Nope, nope, nope! If I don't believe it, it can't be happening, right? Right?!?

Aisha: Babe, why is it still happening? Why does this man insist on taking another one of my precious children from me?

In the morning, not even an excellently-prepared breakfast and an adorable stray can erase the memory of Cashew and King's back-to-back deaths from Aisha's mind.

Shawn copes by rediscovering his love for all things fossil-and-artifact-related, which he's been neglecting since beginning to date Aisha, mainly because I didn't realize he possessed it at all. Sorry, bud. I didn't mean to keep you from your greatest passion for so long.

With that in mind and with no preamble whatsoever, suddenly we've arrived at a lovely vacation home in Selvadorada! It offers not only a chance for relaxation and rejuvenation following one of the most trying times in their lives so far but also a chance for Shawn to begin a promising archaeological career.

Seriously, look at that view! How can anyone be sad when they see that every time they peer out a window.

Shawn wastes no time getting to work excavating his first archaeological dig, conveniently located just a few steps from their rental home.

Meanwhile, Aisha unwinds by taking in the view from the luxury of the pool.

Look at that, a few hours spent in the awe-inspiring presence of the jungle and they've already forgotten all their troubles!

And when I say forgotten, I mean forgotten.

After their exhilarating morning, they clean up and head to the nearby museum. They need to build up their knowledge of Selvadoradian history before heading into the green wild to hopefully uncover some buried treasures lost to time. Aisha chats up another tourist while admiring some artifacts.

Aisha: I hate to break it to you, but you're not going to make it very far dressed like that. Haven't you ever heard that blending in with the locals is the first step to success?

Meanwhile, Shawn continues to practice his archaeological skills by uncovering some of the suspiciously artifact-shaped dirt clods he dug up earlier in the day.

Well, that looks like an Omiscan skull if I've ever seen one! Sadly, I think this one turned out to be a fake. But it only makes sense that the real deal would be hidden deep in the jungle rather than left out in plain sight ten feet from a vacation home.

Next, they make their way to the village center, where they pause to take in some regional art.

Come on, Aisha. You're in a foreign country with countless culinary delights of its own to be discovered, and the first thing you do is order a plain old American hamburger? Where's your sense of adventure?

It turns out that this bar is the true center of contemporary Selvadoradian culture. Shawn could spend hours in here listening to the stories of folklore and legend told by the locals, which are just as essential to understanding the region as the items left behind by its past inhabitants.

Aisha, on the other hand, is all about learning the local dance, which is truly a sight to behold.

Aisha: Wow, that guy's really just going for it right now, isn't he? Props to him.

Anyway, it's time to get down to business. If they're going to survive the jungle for more than an hour or two, they need a serious haul of supplies.

Aisha: Lady, I have no idea what any of these things do, but my husband told me to buy everything you've got, so I'll take the entire lot!

Oh, hey, lizard friend. Aren't you a little cutie?

Finally, Aisha and Shawn reunite to solidify their plans for totally kicking jungle ass come morning.

However, morning arrives, and Aisha's feeling a lot less certain about the entire endeavor.

Shawn: Come on, babe, what's the problem? This'll be a once in a lifetime experience!
Aisha: Yeah, but I'd rather live to tell about it than die mid-experience. Are you sure we have enough supplies?

Aisha: Honey, I've never told you about this, and it's very hard for me to say even now, but once my mother and I got stranded out here for an entire half an hour and I literally saw my life flash before my eyes.
Shawn: Wait, what? When did that happen? How did that happen?!?
Aisha: It's a long story. Are you sure we won't die?
Shawn: I promise we won't die.

Shawn: Now watch me totally show these vines who's boss!

Aisha: All right, you have fun with that, babe. I'm just going to lay here and preserve my energy for when it's truly needed. I swear sometimes I can still feel the stinging from when I tried to tear through those things with my bare hands...

Well, I think Shawn made it through to the other side. The question now is... Will he ever return?

Not if he gets eaten by a carnivorous vine! I'm pretty sure we're making the right decision, but keep your fingers crossed...

Aisha: Shawn? Babe? Where are you? I close my eyes for five minutes, and you're gone!

Aisha: Honey, please come back! I'm going to be eaten alive by these flesh-loving mosquitoes!

I think those are just regular mosquitoes, and your husband is the one who's currently in danger of being eaten alive!

Whew, he made it out in one piece! With a small bounty of treasures to show for his daring.

In the process, he also cleared the way to the next section of the jungle. Even though Aisha's exerted barely any effort in the few hours they've been out here, she's trudging along in the background like she's already done.

Aisha: Babe, I just want you to know that if we die crossing this rickety old bridge, I love you.

Aisha: You know what? I take that back because I can't believe you're making me go first.

The anxiety of crossing the bridge left her with no choice but to find a secluded spot to relieve herself. This conveniently placed bush was the best option. She was not pleased, but that's jungle life for you! If she wants to be supportive of her husband's dreams, she'll have to make some small sacrifices along the way.

Meanwhile, Shawn has been unexpectedly swarmed by a colony of plasma bats!

Have no fear! He was smart enough to stock up on plenty of bait before they headed out.

Aisha is positively swooning over how sexy Shawn looks while being a serious and scholarly excavator, which is a pretty major achievement considering how rarely she's in a flirty mood.

Unfortunately, she's soon forced to face a jungle danger of her own in the form of some (possibly) killer bees. Luckily, it turns out that one of those flowers she cluelessly bought yesterday is the perfect deterrent.