Family Frenemies I

This series is named after Elliot and Aisha's relationship as adults because it seems like the perfect descriptor for how the two of them will continuously try to one-up each other in their attempts to fully and permanently win my heart. Will one prevail, or are they destined to remain eternally in competition? Only time will tell.



Not Allie suggesting that she and Aisha sneak out of class to go hang out at a nightclub in the middle of the day! The nerve of this girl. I am shook! (And, yeah, of course Aisha will be right there, are you kidding?)


Aisha: Oh my God, this is so much fun! Let's go in there and see if we can get the bartender to serve us drinks!


If the look on Aisha's face is anything to go by, it looks like their first attempt was a big old failure.


Aisha: Come on! Just one? You know you want to!
Bartender: Little girl, what do you not understand about the words "I am legally prohibited from serving alcohol to minors?"


Booty Shorts Townie: Hey, man, can I get a round of drinks for me and my... friends over here?
Bartender: I know exactly what you're doing, kid. Don't try to pull a fast one on me!


Allie managed to convince Aisha that their time would be better spent rollerskating, but Aisha just can't seem to get that stupid bartender and his unwillingness to bend to her will out of her head.


Aisha: I am going to get that loser to give me a drink if it's the last thing I do.
Allie: But I thought we were having fun! Aisha, where are you going?

(Don't ask me why Allie's rollerskates are invisible in these two images. I just noticed it myself.)


Allie: AISHA?!? DON'T LEAVE ME OUT HERE ALONE! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M NO GOOD AT THIS?!?


Bartender: Oh, great, it's you again. Didn't I make it clear enough I wanted you out of my sight?
Townie: Come on, dude! She's just an adorable little girl doing her homework. What's the problem?


Aisha: Yeah, what he said! I didn't know it was illegal to do homework. Guess you just don't want me to succeed.


Bartender: Goddamn it, I'm not paid nearly enough to deal with this bullshit! I'm out.


Finally, Aisha abandoned her pursuit of an alcoholic beverage for a hamburger instead. Then she caught sight of her Uncle Nico playing in a pile of leaves like the responsible adult he is in the distance and remembered that she was supposed to be keeping incognito. If her parents catch wind that she's playing hooky, she's dead!


Aisha: It's okay. He hasn't seen me since I was a baby, at least. He probably doesn't even recognize me!


Phoebe: There you are, little miss. I just got a very interesting call from your uncle, who said he saw a girl who looked just like you eating a hamburger by herself outside of a nightclub.
Aisha: Whoa, what a funny coincidence! Of course, it couldn't have been me, since I was at school learning all day.
Phoebe: Yes, quite funny, considering I called your school and they said I signed a letter asking that you be excused for the afternoon!


Aisha: I'm sorry, Mom. I won't do it ever again, I swear!
Phoebe: Aww, I can't even stay mad at you. Bring it in for a hug, baby!
Elliot: Seriously?!? She skips school and you aren't even going to punish her? What kind of preferential treatment is this?


Elliot decides that if his little sister can do whatever she wants without consequence, so can he. So he asks Mia out on a date to the nearby karaoke bar. They keep it age-appropriate with root beer floats, though. Apparently, all of the local establishments have recently gotten word to tighten up their enforcement of drinking age restrictions...


Elliot: That guy's okay and all, but I bet I could totally beat his ass with my karaoke moves.


Elliot: Do I dare?
Mia: Go on. The stage is all yours!


Poor Elliot. He really put his heart and soul into his performance, but it can't have been all that captivating if Mia would rather mess around on her phone than cheer him on.


Elliot: Mom? What are you doing here?
Phoebe: What, just because I'm older now, I can't have a good time? Let me tell you, my friends and I got up to some pretty crazy stuff back in the day.


Phoebe: Hey, bartender, pour me the stiffest drink you've got so I can show my son exactly what it means to party hard!


Elliot: And I'll have whatever she's having!
Phoebe: Oh, will you, now? All right, then. I guess it's officially time to see what you're made of.

Meanwhile, Mia is clearly not cut out for what's about to go down, as she is comfortably asleep on a sofa in the corner.


Too many drinks to count later, Elliot and Phoebe are deep into an intense karaoke battle with no clear winner in sight. What? Did somebody say something about this being an inappropriate form of mother/son bonding? Nonsense!


Phoebe: Oh, you think you can do better than that? Really? I'd like to see you try.


Instead, they decide to call the competition a draw and team up for the ultimate karaoke duet.


It's, like, four in the morning and they're still going strong. That's what I call commitment.


Elliot, dragging his hungover ass home at six in the morning: Ugghhh, so tired, can barely stand, help.
Aahana: Ah, yes, you and your other mother must have had quite the night together.


Elliot: And now the coffeemaker is broken the one time I need it most? What gives?!?


Deprived of his caffeine fix, Elliot gives in to the only other option available: uncomfortable sofa nap.

Phoebe: Come on, kid, you can't give up now! We've still got so much more partying to do!


Phoebe: What an amateur. I still feel totally fine!

Not everyone is lucky enough to be blessed with your insane amounts of stamina, Phoebe.


In much more wholesome news, Aisha has somehow accrued an entire gang of friends while I wasn't looking.


Aisha: First one across the monkey bars does the other's homework for a week!


Aisha: Good luck crossing now, idiot! You'll never get past me!


In the middle of their play, Aisha's best friend, Allie, grew up into a fully-fledged selfie-obsessed, bushy-eyebrowed teenager, which can only mean Aisha's own birthday is right around the corner.


Naturally, Elliot immediately sniffed out the possibility of a new conquest and tried to flirt with her mere moments later.

Aisha: Stay away from my friend, you disgusting perv!


Luckily, Allie is more than able to fight her own battles and denied him in no uncertain terms.


Good God, where is she finding all of these kids?!? If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was the burgeoning leader of a fiercely devoted cult following.


But she's far too cute to be up to anything so sinister, right?


I think we may have finally found one thing Aisha isn't a pro at: rollerskating.


Instead, she decides to invite all of her newfound friends over to her house to break in the new pool they just got installed in the backyard.


It also happens to be the perfect occasion for Aisha to blow out her birthday candles, although it doesn't look like her friends really care. They're more concerned with dancing and throwing paint all over the floor, which definitely reveals the disparity in age between Aisha and them.


Phoebe: For God's sake, who raised you? You can't just come into other people's houses and destroy their expensive wood flooring. That's not cool at all!


Why are all of these children so angry? I really question the suitability of their home environments. Should I get on the phone with Sim Social Services right this second?

Anyway, yes, I am putting off revealing what Aisha looks like as a teenager to make it all the more dramatic. Are you sure you're ready? Well, okay, if you insist, here's teenage Aisha in...

THREE...

TWO...

ONE!


She's literally so perfect. I could not be happier. I want to cry. Phoebe and Aahana's combined genes really came through!


Contrary to what her girly-girl looks might suggest, she's really into fishing. Also, I'll take any opportunity presented to show off some stunning scenery. I'm particularly interested in exploring some of these other worlds now that I feel like I've exhausted the city, which I'm hoping these kids will give me the opportunity to do.


Her brother, on the other hand, is more into taking selfies implying he's fishing without actually putting in the effort.


Oh, shit, don't let Aisha see that stray cat behind her! She'll definitely want to take it home.


That one managed to slip past her radar, but she finds another stray who is clearly very sick and pawing sadly at a pile of rancid sardines. She can hardly just walk away and leave it there to fend for itself!


Aisha: Don't worry, girl. We're going to get you all patched up in no time!


Look at Aisha. She's so proud of herself for saving this poor abandoned animal from almost certain death and giving it the proper medical treatment it deserves.


Aisha: I'm definitely taking you home now! How could anyone resist your fluffy little face?!?


By the way, this cat's name is Heidi, and she's clearly already feeling right at home judging by how immediately she passes out after coming inside.


Phoebe: Does anyone care to explain why there's a strange cat in here eating our dinner?
Elliot: I don't know anything about it, Mom. Ask her!


Aisha grudgingly tells Heidi to stop eating human food, even though she thinks it's pretty adorable and doesn't see the big problem with it.


Phoebe: Funny. The cat is still on my table, and my daughter is nowhere in sight. How wonderful.