Suburban Bliss III: Dog Day Afternoon
Previously: Salim adopted a stray dog named Waffle, then he and Maki attended what turned out to be a rather gloomy party at the Von Haunt Estate, a night which may or may not have ended with the conception of their surprise late-in-life twins, Ivy and Olive.
Maki: Honey, you really need to stop with these random style overhauls. Leather-jacket-and-aviators Santa Claus is not a look that anyone is capable of pulling off, especially you.
Rain, rain, go away! While certain individuals succumb to their relentlessly dreary circumstances...
Others thrive, only truly coming alive when the yard is sopping wet with puddles to roll around in.
In more exciting news, the twins have already grown from toddlers into children. I know, I know, they grow up so fast, don't they? Here's Ivy, the one time in her life I remembered that she owned an activity table.
And here's Olive, who is frankly cat-obsessed and, despite not yet owning a fluffy companion herself, has the wardrobe to back it up.
Salim having an emotional breakdown in the laundry room over the fact that his children are growing older and, thus, so is he. I haven't been checking in on him frequently enough to prove it, but I'd bet money this isn't the first time it's happened.
Luckily for him, he's got an adoring wife who's always available to gently snap him back into reality with kisses and affection.
OH FUCK! I WILL NOT BE THAT PERSON WHO WATCHES A CHILD BURN TO DEATH BECAUSE I FORGOT ABOUT THE LINT TRAP AGAIN!
Maki: Have no fear! Firefighter Mommy to the rescue!
Olive: Were you absent on stop, drop, and roll day? Don't just stand there!!!
Olive: God, you have no sense of self-preservation, I swear! I'm going to have to teach you a thing or two about finding a will to live!
Notice how Salim was just hanging out uselessly in the doorway the entire time. Thanks for nothing, buddy.
It took about six straight hours in the bathtub to do it, but Ivy was eventually back to her regular, clean self.
Really?!? 177 measly dollars is all you heartless bastards think an innocent child's life is worth?
Olive may have a preference for cats, as indicated by the giant porcelain cat statue on her wardrobe, but Waffle's a pretty forgiving dog and is hoping to win her back over to his side by falling asleep in charmingly contorted positions on her bedroom floor.
If all else fails, at least he's got Ivy, who managed to drag the entire family along to the dog park with her for some hardcore obstacle course training. By the way, props to Maki, who never batted an eyelash about gallivanting around in public in her bathing suit and no shoes. She does a look a tad concerned that they've managed to pick up an extra child along the way, though. Willow, where did you come from?!?
Ivy: Come on, buddy! I know it seems overwhelming, but I promise it's way easier than it looks.
I don't think Waffle's very convinced. We'll be lucky if he successfully makes it through this ring without scaring himself senseless.
Olive and Willow find all of this dog-training business boring, no offense, and they'd much rather spend their time playing on the pirate ship jungle gym.
Salim: ARRRRRGHHH, I'M A SCARY MONSTER! I'M COMING TO EAT YOU GIRLS ALIVE!
Willow: Yeah, right, you wouldn't even scare a flea. Nice try, old man.
Oh, wow, look at that. Waffle managed to climb on top of a platform for five seconds without losing his shit.
And now he's jogging through tunnels like an old pro! There might be hope for this dog after all.
I don't really know what constitutes "good" here, so I'm just going to say good job, Waffle, and leave it at that.
Ivy's reward for being top trainer of the day (by default) is to have the coveted position in the ship's crow's nest all to herself for the rest of the afternoon.
Naturally, because she can't go an entire post without making it all about herself, Phoebe showed up to bestow hugs on everyone.
Ivy: Excuse me, where's my hug?!?
Phoebe: I'm coming, I'm coming. Calm down.
You'd almost think Phoebe's the second coming of Christ or something, which, I mean... Is that entirely inaccurate?
Phoebe: WATCH OUT, GIRLS! THE SCARY MONSTER'S HERE TO SUCK OUT YOUR BRAINS!
Olive: Abandon ship, abandon ship!
Salim: Really? She's scary and I'm not?
Next, everyone decided to load up and head to San Myshuno to visit the Casbah Gallery, which was clearly Maki's suggestion.
Ivy: I wish I could take a nap right now.
Olive: Right?!?
Maki: Girls! You'll learn to appreciate fine art, or you'll go to bed without dinner!
Sorry, Maki, I think everyone else is on their side: these paintings are positively yawn-worthy.
Phoebe: Well, guess I should get my fitness in, since standing and staring at these things is clearly a waste of time.
Let Maki have her art, damn it!
Salim tried a different tactic for getting the girls interested in their new city surroundings.
Salim: Can you believe I used to live at the very top of that big apartment building across the street?
Willow: I still live there, and, believe me, it's not all that great.
Ivy: That's cool, I guess, but when can we eat? I'm starving!
Olive: According to Yelp, there's a great little hole-in-the-wall place just across town.
I'm guessing the bar fries were Phoebe's suggestion?
Actually, the story behind this is that I'm pretty sure they went out in the first place because it was Night on the Town, aka free food and drinks, but by the time they got around to actually eating, all of the food stands were unexpectedly closed, and this bar was the only place left to get something.
Olive: *inhales luxuriantly* Now this is high-class cuisine!
Ivy: I love this place. What should we do next? Can I sing karaoke? Can I have a drink from the bar?
Unfortunately, all hopes of further fun have been crushed by Salim falling asleep in a chair as he's more and more likely to do these days and Maki being utterly perplexed by a single drink.
Phoebe: Don't worry, girls. Give it a few more years to be safe. Then I'll show you what a good time really looks like.
I hate to end on a sad note, but unfortunately we'll not be seeing Salim or Waffle again, at least not in living form, since they both passed away while I was off-lot. Their spirits will forever live on, though, in their family's hearts, in the backyard, and perhaps in a more tangible form, too. I don't really know how ghosts work in this game yet.
Maki: Honey, you really need to stop with these random style overhauls. Leather-jacket-and-aviators Santa Claus is not a look that anyone is capable of pulling off, especially you.
Rain, rain, go away! While certain individuals succumb to their relentlessly dreary circumstances...
Others thrive, only truly coming alive when the yard is sopping wet with puddles to roll around in.
In more exciting news, the twins have already grown from toddlers into children. I know, I know, they grow up so fast, don't they? Here's Ivy, the one time in her life I remembered that she owned an activity table.
And here's Olive, who is frankly cat-obsessed and, despite not yet owning a fluffy companion herself, has the wardrobe to back it up.
Salim having an emotional breakdown in the laundry room over the fact that his children are growing older and, thus, so is he. I haven't been checking in on him frequently enough to prove it, but I'd bet money this isn't the first time it's happened.
Luckily for him, he's got an adoring wife who's always available to gently snap him back into reality with kisses and affection.
OH FUCK! I WILL NOT BE THAT PERSON WHO WATCHES A CHILD BURN TO DEATH BECAUSE I FORGOT ABOUT THE LINT TRAP AGAIN!
Maki: Have no fear! Firefighter Mommy to the rescue!
Olive: Were you absent on stop, drop, and roll day? Don't just stand there!!!
Olive: God, you have no sense of self-preservation, I swear! I'm going to have to teach you a thing or two about finding a will to live!
Notice how Salim was just hanging out uselessly in the doorway the entire time. Thanks for nothing, buddy.
It took about six straight hours in the bathtub to do it, but Ivy was eventually back to her regular, clean self.
Really?!? 177 measly dollars is all you heartless bastards think an innocent child's life is worth?
Olive may have a preference for cats, as indicated by the giant porcelain cat statue on her wardrobe, but Waffle's a pretty forgiving dog and is hoping to win her back over to his side by falling asleep in charmingly contorted positions on her bedroom floor.
If all else fails, at least he's got Ivy, who managed to drag the entire family along to the dog park with her for some hardcore obstacle course training. By the way, props to Maki, who never batted an eyelash about gallivanting around in public in her bathing suit and no shoes. She does a look a tad concerned that they've managed to pick up an extra child along the way, though. Willow, where did you come from?!?
Ivy: Come on, buddy! I know it seems overwhelming, but I promise it's way easier than it looks.
I don't think Waffle's very convinced. We'll be lucky if he successfully makes it through this ring without scaring himself senseless.
Olive and Willow find all of this dog-training business boring, no offense, and they'd much rather spend their time playing on the pirate ship jungle gym.
Salim: ARRRRRGHHH, I'M A SCARY MONSTER! I'M COMING TO EAT YOU GIRLS ALIVE!
Willow: Yeah, right, you wouldn't even scare a flea. Nice try, old man.
Oh, wow, look at that. Waffle managed to climb on top of a platform for five seconds without losing his shit.
And now he's jogging through tunnels like an old pro! There might be hope for this dog after all.
I don't really know what constitutes "good" here, so I'm just going to say good job, Waffle, and leave it at that.
Ivy's reward for being top trainer of the day (by default) is to have the coveted position in the ship's crow's nest all to herself for the rest of the afternoon.
Naturally, because she can't go an entire post without making it all about herself, Phoebe showed up to bestow hugs on everyone.
Ivy: Excuse me, where's my hug?!?
Phoebe: I'm coming, I'm coming. Calm down.
You'd almost think Phoebe's the second coming of Christ or something, which, I mean... Is that entirely inaccurate?
Phoebe: WATCH OUT, GIRLS! THE SCARY MONSTER'S HERE TO SUCK OUT YOUR BRAINS!
Olive: Abandon ship, abandon ship!
Salim: Really? She's scary and I'm not?
Next, everyone decided to load up and head to San Myshuno to visit the Casbah Gallery, which was clearly Maki's suggestion.
Ivy: I wish I could take a nap right now.
Olive: Right?!?
Maki: Girls! You'll learn to appreciate fine art, or you'll go to bed without dinner!
Sorry, Maki, I think everyone else is on their side: these paintings are positively yawn-worthy.
Phoebe: Well, guess I should get my fitness in, since standing and staring at these things is clearly a waste of time.
Let Maki have her art, damn it!
Salim tried a different tactic for getting the girls interested in their new city surroundings.
Salim: Can you believe I used to live at the very top of that big apartment building across the street?
Willow: I still live there, and, believe me, it's not all that great.
Ivy: That's cool, I guess, but when can we eat? I'm starving!
Olive: According to Yelp, there's a great little hole-in-the-wall place just across town.
I'm guessing the bar fries were Phoebe's suggestion?
Actually, the story behind this is that I'm pretty sure they went out in the first place because it was Night on the Town, aka free food and drinks, but by the time they got around to actually eating, all of the food stands were unexpectedly closed, and this bar was the only place left to get something.
Olive: *inhales luxuriantly* Now this is high-class cuisine!
Ivy: I love this place. What should we do next? Can I sing karaoke? Can I have a drink from the bar?
Unfortunately, all hopes of further fun have been crushed by Salim falling asleep in a chair as he's more and more likely to do these days and Maki being utterly perplexed by a single drink.
Phoebe: Don't worry, girls. Give it a few more years to be safe. Then I'll show you what a good time really looks like.
I hate to end on a sad note, but unfortunately we'll not be seeing Salim or Waffle again, at least not in living form, since they both passed away while I was off-lot. Their spirits will forever live on, though, in their family's hearts, in the backyard, and perhaps in a more tangible form, too. I don't really know how ghosts work in this game yet.