Phoebe's World XV: An Eventful New Year
Previously: Elliot became a toddler just in time for a big family and friends Winterfest celebration, complete with holiday-appropriate outfits, tree decorating, plenty of presents, and a turquoise-haired Father Winter.
Elliot has a problem, and it's called soiling his diaper every time he has the opportunity instead of letting his parents teach him how to use the potty like a proper human being.
I can't stay mad at him for too long, though, because he's also a budding artistic genius. Look at that coloring masterwork!
How dare Joaquin interrupt Elliot's art time with meaningless small talk! Can't he see Elliot is aiming for the Louvre and has little use for such petty distractions?
Jane: *whips a massive plastic horn from her ass* Happy New Year's Eve!
Elliot, approximately: Will you people please just leave me alone?!?
Aahana: Oh my God, I love New Year's Eve. Daytime drinking for the win!
Jane: You've got that straight, sister!
Phoebe: Guys, do you really think it's appropriate to be drinking cocktails at this hour?
Jane: Oh, now that you're a grown-ass working woman, you're going to call us out for indulging a little? Please.
It's true, Phoebe's got a pretty lofty job title now and the salary to back it up, but she hasn't totally abandoned her partying ways, just refined them. For example, she's 100% down with ringing in the New Year with a bang, as long as it's at the appropriate hour and far away from her impressionable child. Hence, everyone heads out to their favorite nightclub as soon as darkness falls and the babysitter arrives.
Joaquin: All right, everybody! Who here is ready to turn this motherfucking party out?!?
GO JOAQUIN! GO JOAQUIN! GO JOAQUIN! GO JOAQUIN!
(On a side note, you can really tell everyone's getting older and settling down now because I've counted two pregnant women on the dance floor so far. Good on them for getting down despite their encumbering bellies!)
Phoebe: I've got a few drinks in me, and I feel so alive! Let's show all of these amateurs how it's really done, honey!
Another flawlessly executed back flip to add to the record book.
Even Aahana whips out a back flip for the ravenous crowd! Who knew she had it in her?!?
Joaquin: HOLY SHIT, THAT WAS AMAZING!!!!!
Aahana: Who, me? That little thing? Oh, that was nothing.
Jane: *shouts directly in Joaquin's ear* LISTEN, BABE! BABE, LISTEN!
Joaquin: Whoa, quiet down. How much have you had to drink?
Jane: Babe, listen. I've never felt more clear-headed, and I just thought of the best way to start the New Year...
That's right, it's time for a quickie wedding!
In retrospect, I probably should have just had them get married at the club or something because I ended up unfavorably comparing this ceremony (which was fine for its circumstances) to Zora and Miko's much more unforgettable Romance Festival ceremony in my head. But if Joaquin and Jane are happy with it, then I'm happy with it.
By this point, not many of the guests were still available or willing to watch. They had either turned in for the night or were still too pumped up on adrenaline to pay attention.
At least you can always count on random townies in strange attire (holiday fur hat without outerwear, makes absolute sense) to be there to celebrate when hardly anyone else is. Actually, I think she and Sofia were more interested in the fireworks than anything else, so never mind.
Jane: Now it's a real celebration! I'll get the drinks!
Really? You don't think you've had enough by now?
I think I know what Jane and Joaquin are warming up to here, so we'll leave the happy couple to officially confirm their union in private.
Aahana and Phoebe arrived home on a similar wavelength, and it looks like the bedroom closet woohoo was just as good the second time around.
Maybe a little too good? I can't tell if that's starvation tummy-clutching or "oh, shit, I feel a creature growing inside of me" tummy-clutching. Also, she needs to put on some pants before she freezes to death.
SURPRISE! It's the latter! At least Phoebe is in a much more presentable (and sane) condition than the last time she was told this kind of news.
Aahana, do you really think you should be letting your suddenly fully-grown cowplant that close to your pregnant belly? Those teeth look very big and sharp!
(By the way, one of Aahana's work from home tasks when she was taking it easy during her pregnancy was to be eaten by the cowplant, which I was totally down to have her do for science, but I guess pregnant women aren't allowed to? At least she couldn't, specifically. Rude!)
Anyway, the house may have gotten swept up in New Year's Eve celebrations and weddings and baby announcements, but Elliot is still very much alive and very much resistant to effectively using the potty.
Elliot, in translation: What is this strange foreign object I'm being forced to sit upon?
Phoebe: Repeat after me, Elliot. Potty. POTTY. POT-TY!
Jane: Forget it. This is useless. I'm just going to have a drink.
Slow down, buddy! What's got you crawling up those dangerous stairs at an alarming speed while your mother naps obliviously on the sofa?
Oh, he just wanted to give Shirley Temple a loving pat on the head.
SHIRLEY, NO! It can't have been that bad. I thought we were past this running away without reason phase!
To distract Elliott from his beloved pet's absence, Phoebe takes him to the park to have some fun in the snow (and to have an excuse to show off his adorable outerwear).
I think Mrs. Snowpal here is his new best friend in lieu of Shirley until she returns.
Oh, that was fast. She's looking a little mangier than usual, but at least she's come back in one piece.
Can someone explain to me why Elliott is eating from a mysterious plate of food in the middle of a city sidewalk? Phoebe, do you happen to know anything about this? No? Are you sure?
Aww, how sweet. Ghost Salim called Phoebe to hang out so that she can catch him up on everything that's happening in her life. She looks a little weirded out, but I would be, too, if I were hugging an apparition of my long-dead parent.
Phoebe: Well, guess I'll just grab a quick drink while Dad's busy possessing a potted plant...
Father/daughter dancing is even more special from beyond the grave.
Here's Phoebe getting Salim up to speed with an extensive photo slideshow documenting every important moment that's occurred in her adult life up to this point. Tear-jerking stuff, truly.
I don't know when Jane got so involved in Elliot's upbringing, but Phoebe isn't always the biggest fan of it, so they like to play musical chairs with him whenever the other puts him in the highchair first.
Jane: Seriously? I just gave him breakfast! You're going to let your pettiness deprive him of that?
Jane: Nope, can't let your mom have the last word on this! Up and out and back in the chair you go!
Can't these crazy grown-ups see the poor boy just wants to eat his yogurt in peace?!?
Phoebe: You know, kid, I had some pretty cool moves myself back in the day...
Phoebe: Hell yeah, Mama's still got it!
Oh, God, Shirley, are you okay? Please tell me you're okay! I have no conception of pet lifespans, but this is way too soon!
Phoebe, you might want to turn around and take note of the, um, cold lifeless cat body directly across from you or the, ahem, Grim Reaper making his terrifying way toward the house directly behind you.
Joaquin: Really?!? You're just going to keep eating like nothing is happening? That's the choice you're making right now?
Even as the rest of the household comes to a horrifying realization of the truth, Phoebe remains oblivious, watching Shirley Temple's tragic death with her plate of dinner like she's watching a thrilling action movie with a bowl of popcorn.
Okay, surely, she can't remain this ignorant in the presence of actual child tears! This is heartbreaking!
Finally, the truth of the matter hits her head-on: that is the Grim Reaper, and he is here to remove her best cat friend from this mortal coil permanently.
Finally, the tears flow freely and possibly forever. RIP Shirley Temple. You were a good one, even if you were always making a mad dash for it. I'll miss seeing you flee wildly out of the front door.
Elliot has a problem, and it's called soiling his diaper every time he has the opportunity instead of letting his parents teach him how to use the potty like a proper human being.
I can't stay mad at him for too long, though, because he's also a budding artistic genius. Look at that coloring masterwork!
How dare Joaquin interrupt Elliot's art time with meaningless small talk! Can't he see Elliot is aiming for the Louvre and has little use for such petty distractions?
Jane: *whips a massive plastic horn from her ass* Happy New Year's Eve!
Elliot, approximately: Will you people please just leave me alone?!?
Aahana: Oh my God, I love New Year's Eve. Daytime drinking for the win!
Jane: You've got that straight, sister!
Phoebe: Guys, do you really think it's appropriate to be drinking cocktails at this hour?
Jane: Oh, now that you're a grown-ass working woman, you're going to call us out for indulging a little? Please.
It's true, Phoebe's got a pretty lofty job title now and the salary to back it up, but she hasn't totally abandoned her partying ways, just refined them. For example, she's 100% down with ringing in the New Year with a bang, as long as it's at the appropriate hour and far away from her impressionable child. Hence, everyone heads out to their favorite nightclub as soon as darkness falls and the babysitter arrives.
Joaquin: All right, everybody! Who here is ready to turn this motherfucking party out?!?
GO JOAQUIN! GO JOAQUIN! GO JOAQUIN! GO JOAQUIN!
(On a side note, you can really tell everyone's getting older and settling down now because I've counted two pregnant women on the dance floor so far. Good on them for getting down despite their encumbering bellies!)
Phoebe: I've got a few drinks in me, and I feel so alive! Let's show all of these amateurs how it's really done, honey!
Another flawlessly executed back flip to add to the record book.
Even Aahana whips out a back flip for the ravenous crowd! Who knew she had it in her?!?
Joaquin: HOLY SHIT, THAT WAS AMAZING!!!!!
Aahana: Who, me? That little thing? Oh, that was nothing.
Jane: *shouts directly in Joaquin's ear* LISTEN, BABE! BABE, LISTEN!
Joaquin: Whoa, quiet down. How much have you had to drink?
Jane: Babe, listen. I've never felt more clear-headed, and I just thought of the best way to start the New Year...
That's right, it's time for a quickie wedding!
In retrospect, I probably should have just had them get married at the club or something because I ended up unfavorably comparing this ceremony (which was fine for its circumstances) to Zora and Miko's much more unforgettable Romance Festival ceremony in my head. But if Joaquin and Jane are happy with it, then I'm happy with it.
By this point, not many of the guests were still available or willing to watch. They had either turned in for the night or were still too pumped up on adrenaline to pay attention.
At least you can always count on random townies in strange attire (holiday fur hat without outerwear, makes absolute sense) to be there to celebrate when hardly anyone else is. Actually, I think she and Sofia were more interested in the fireworks than anything else, so never mind.
Jane: Now it's a real celebration! I'll get the drinks!
Really? You don't think you've had enough by now?
I think I know what Jane and Joaquin are warming up to here, so we'll leave the happy couple to officially confirm their union in private.
Aahana and Phoebe arrived home on a similar wavelength, and it looks like the bedroom closet woohoo was just as good the second time around.
Maybe a little too good? I can't tell if that's starvation tummy-clutching or "oh, shit, I feel a creature growing inside of me" tummy-clutching. Also, she needs to put on some pants before she freezes to death.
SURPRISE! It's the latter! At least Phoebe is in a much more presentable (and sane) condition than the last time she was told this kind of news.
Aahana, do you really think you should be letting your suddenly fully-grown cowplant that close to your pregnant belly? Those teeth look very big and sharp!
(By the way, one of Aahana's work from home tasks when she was taking it easy during her pregnancy was to be eaten by the cowplant, which I was totally down to have her do for science, but I guess pregnant women aren't allowed to? At least she couldn't, specifically. Rude!)
Anyway, the house may have gotten swept up in New Year's Eve celebrations and weddings and baby announcements, but Elliot is still very much alive and very much resistant to effectively using the potty.
Elliot, in translation: What is this strange foreign object I'm being forced to sit upon?
Phoebe: Repeat after me, Elliot. Potty. POTTY. POT-TY!
Jane: Forget it. This is useless. I'm just going to have a drink.
Slow down, buddy! What's got you crawling up those dangerous stairs at an alarming speed while your mother naps obliviously on the sofa?
Oh, he just wanted to give Shirley Temple a loving pat on the head.
SHIRLEY, NO! It can't have been that bad. I thought we were past this running away without reason phase!
To distract Elliott from his beloved pet's absence, Phoebe takes him to the park to have some fun in the snow (and to have an excuse to show off his adorable outerwear).
I think Mrs. Snowpal here is his new best friend in lieu of Shirley until she returns.
Oh, that was fast. She's looking a little mangier than usual, but at least she's come back in one piece.
Can someone explain to me why Elliott is eating from a mysterious plate of food in the middle of a city sidewalk? Phoebe, do you happen to know anything about this? No? Are you sure?
Aww, how sweet. Ghost Salim called Phoebe to hang out so that she can catch him up on everything that's happening in her life. She looks a little weirded out, but I would be, too, if I were hugging an apparition of my long-dead parent.
Phoebe: Well, guess I'll just grab a quick drink while Dad's busy possessing a potted plant...
Father/daughter dancing is even more special from beyond the grave.
Here's Phoebe getting Salim up to speed with an extensive photo slideshow documenting every important moment that's occurred in her adult life up to this point. Tear-jerking stuff, truly.
I don't know when Jane got so involved in Elliot's upbringing, but Phoebe isn't always the biggest fan of it, so they like to play musical chairs with him whenever the other puts him in the highchair first.
Jane: Seriously? I just gave him breakfast! You're going to let your pettiness deprive him of that?
Jane: Nope, can't let your mom have the last word on this! Up and out and back in the chair you go!
Can't these crazy grown-ups see the poor boy just wants to eat his yogurt in peace?!?
Phoebe: You know, kid, I had some pretty cool moves myself back in the day...
Phoebe: Hell yeah, Mama's still got it!
Oh, God, Shirley, are you okay? Please tell me you're okay! I have no conception of pet lifespans, but this is way too soon!
Phoebe, you might want to turn around and take note of the, um, cold lifeless cat body directly across from you or the, ahem, Grim Reaper making his terrifying way toward the house directly behind you.
Joaquin: Really?!? You're just going to keep eating like nothing is happening? That's the choice you're making right now?
Even as the rest of the household comes to a horrifying realization of the truth, Phoebe remains oblivious, watching Shirley Temple's tragic death with her plate of dinner like she's watching a thrilling action movie with a bowl of popcorn.
Okay, surely, she can't remain this ignorant in the presence of actual child tears! This is heartbreaking!
Finally, the truth of the matter hits her head-on: that is the Grim Reaper, and he is here to remove her best cat friend from this mortal coil permanently.
Finally, the tears flow freely and possibly forever. RIP Shirley Temple. You were a good one, even if you were always making a mad dash for it. I'll miss seeing you flee wildly out of the front door.