Phoebe's World XI: The Winter of Our Discontent
Previously: For once in their lives, the girls had a pretty low-key few days. They progressed in their careers, braved the winter cold, and unsuccessfully tried to initiate a love match at the Humor and Hijinks Festival.
It's Aahana and Melinda's adult birthday, and it totally makes sense to hold the party in a remote outdoors location at the height of a frigid winter snowstorm. Whose brilliant idea was this?!? Oh, right, me. It was mine. I'm certain everything will be just fine.
See? Melinda is lighting a toasty bonfire, everyone else changed into their more suitable winter wear, we've started up a rousing game of Don't Wake the Llama. This is going to go swimmingly.
(Oh God. That's a really morbid foreshadowing pun, and I just came up with it accidentally. It will make sense later. Everything will make sense later.)
Phoebe: Thank God we managed to lug this bar all the way out into the middle of nowhere because I'm definitely going to need a few stiff drinks to survive this cold. I can feel it in my bones, guys.
Fortunately, everyone is soon too busy dancing to notice the rapidly dropping temperatures. Unfortunately, the bartender has been drawn in by the DJ's mood-boosting club megamix, which means there's now no one left to actually tend bar.
Phoebe is forced to fill in because God forbid anyone goes without alcohol for a single minute.
Aahana: Whoa, slow down, girl. You're really going at it, aren't you?
Jane: It's fucking freezing out here! I need the burn to keep me warm.
Aahana, after testing out Jane's method: WOO! I LOVE DRINKING, AND I LOVE PARTYING OUTDOORS IN THE WINTER! LET'S GET OUR BIRTHDAY ON, EVERYBODY!
Jane: I think you're the one who'd better slow down now.
Oh, okay, so we're just going to drink at the edge of the pool in our bathing suits now like we're in the midst of a fucking summer heatwave instead of a winter cyclone? That's a thing that's actually going to happen? I guess I can't stop you if you really want to, but I don't have a very good feeling about it.
Phoebe: I dare you guys to get in. I double dog dare you.
Ha, Phoebe, you're so funny! Surely, nobody is going to take you up on this frankly insane challenge...
All right. Well, it appears as though I was wrong and everyone here has some seriously poor judgment. Willow, you must be standing there to taunt them for their stupidity, right? You're way too smart to even be considering-
Willow: Bombs away! I'm coming in!
*laughs nervously* Very funny, guys. You joined the Polar Bear Plunge club and lived to tell the tale. Now let's stop with the swimming nonsense, put our sensible winter clothes back on, and have a totally safe birthday celebration.
I'd prefer if you put on a coat before you started launching the celebratory confetti cannon, but, you know what, I'm just glad you're out of the water now. The first step is always the hardest.
Simultaneous candle-blowing, engage! Now that that's out of the way, we can all enjoy a delicious slice of cake without giving into the compulsion to take off all our clothes in the process, right?
YOU GUYS! What part of "don't take off all your clothes" don't you understand?!? You all have way too little body fat to protect you from the elements, so don't come crying to me when you turn into human popsicles.
Oh, great. We officially have our first blue-tinged party-goer. Certainly, the sight of him will sober everybody up and keep them away from the pool for the rest of the night. Won't it?
Olive: My, those are some mighty fierce winds a-blowin' in!
That's what I've been trying to tell you, so put on your clothes and find shelter now!
Not you, too, Nico. If I thought anyone had enough sense to stay out of these shenanigans, I was sure it would be you. At this point, I'm pretty sure the sub-zero temperatures are afflicting every single person here with temporary insanity. There's no other possible explanation.
(No, it's certainly not the fact that I chose a location with a pool in the first place or the fact that there is hardly any other seating besides the pool's edge. How could you even suggest I might be at fault?)
At least I can count on Aahana to be sensible. She might be the only one at this point who hasn't changed into their swimsuit and is in fact staying as far away from the pool as remotely possible. I don't even care. All of you can die, and you'd totally deserve it - especially popsicle boy, who just keeps coming back for more torture.
Well, if worst comes to worst, at least everyone can say they died having an amazing time.
Phoebe: That's all, folks! We made it through the entire party without losing anyone! Now you can all go home to your warm beds and hot cocoa and sleep peacefully through the rest of the night.
If only it were so. Someone is definitely going to be sleeping sooner rather than later, and I'm afraid it's going to be a watery grave for this poor soul.
Nico: Uh, guys, do you think that guy needs help? He doesn't look so great.
Sadly, I'm pretty sure he's beyond help at this point. Turns out there is such a thing as partying too hard.
I love how slowly the wave of shock registers as everyone realizes one by one what's going on. Strangely, those closest to the pool seem to be the last to catch on.
Nico: Ah, maybe I was overreacting. I'm sure he'll pop back up any minute now!
The broad spectrum of body language happening right now is hilarious. Olive is willfully oblivious, Aahana and Sofia are devastated, Ivy is distracted by some damn good cake, and Willow just can't be bothered with the stupidity of it all. I guess I'm sad about this guy's death, but, let's be real, I didn't even know him well enough to remember his name. I'm allowed to make light of all this.
Okay, you know what, actually, I take that back. This is a pretty grim sight.
Get out of the fucking water! I know you want to be heroes, but he can't be saved! You're only risking your own lives!
Yeah, guys, that's the goddamn Grip Reaper. This isn't a joke. It's really happening!
There's so much crying and reaping of souls going on right now, I have no idea what to focus on.
Sadly, the chaos caused me to realize too late that Melinda had jumped into the pool, too, and was rapidly reaching that level of coldness from which there is no return. Even changing into her outerwear doesn't save her, and, if you squint (although I wouldn't), you can see her red-coated form faintly fading to the bottom of the pool. I was in too much of a state of shock to capture her death in any greater detail or have anyone attempt to bargain with the Grim Reaper for her life.
Needless to say, this party has fallen off a cliff into devastation central real quick.
Luna was the only one who managed to avoid witnessing the double drowning firsthand, but you can tell she knows something is up and is afraid to find out exactly what. Also, I'm shocked she managed to survive sitting over there playing Don't Wake the Llama in her bikini this entire time. The universe is truly on her side.
Jane: If there was ever an occasion that called for a drink, it's now.
Aahana: Pour me a glass of the strongest thing you've got.
Nico, the first to sense that something was wrong, is the last to accept the fact that two people just died excruciating deaths in his presence. He'd much rather pretend that everything is fine by stuffing his face full of cake.
Nico: Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff, all right.
Aahana: How can you possibly be so callous at a time like this?
The full gravity of the situation hits him mere moments later, and the waterworks are immediately flowing.
Nico: Quick, we've got to dig a grave and bury the bodies before anybody else finds out! If the police catch wind of this, they'll send us all to prison for murder, no doubt about it!
I appreciate your concern, but I think it's going to be okay. As sad as they were, these deaths were purely accidental. I guess if anyone's a murderer in this scenario it's me for failing to foresee that something like this might happen.
The graves will remain at the Bluffs, forever a reminder of their owners' tragic fate.
Phoebe and Jane, simultaneously: Sorry, but I don't think I can come into work today. Two of my friends just died in a freak winter swimming accident, and I'm not really feeling up to it.
Aahana did go to work, but only because I really wanted her to get the promotion she was all set up for. Luckily, she got it, but I still feel really shitty for placing her career above her need to properly mourn.
This is the face of someone who has stared Death in the eyes, watched him take two souls who in different circumstances could have easily included her own, and returned forever changed.
So, listen. Yeah, Melinda is dead, and it's pretty sad, but to be honest I was bored with her and planning on moving her out shortly after her birthday anyway. I guess it would've been a happier farewell for her to have a shot at life out in the wild than to be irrevocably dead, but it certainly made for good drama and they're all just a bunch of pixels anyway. They'll come out okay in the end.
It's Aahana and Melinda's adult birthday, and it totally makes sense to hold the party in a remote outdoors location at the height of a frigid winter snowstorm. Whose brilliant idea was this?!? Oh, right, me. It was mine. I'm certain everything will be just fine.
See? Melinda is lighting a toasty bonfire, everyone else changed into their more suitable winter wear, we've started up a rousing game of Don't Wake the Llama. This is going to go swimmingly.
(Oh God. That's a really morbid foreshadowing pun, and I just came up with it accidentally. It will make sense later. Everything will make sense later.)
Phoebe: Thank God we managed to lug this bar all the way out into the middle of nowhere because I'm definitely going to need a few stiff drinks to survive this cold. I can feel it in my bones, guys.
Fortunately, everyone is soon too busy dancing to notice the rapidly dropping temperatures. Unfortunately, the bartender has been drawn in by the DJ's mood-boosting club megamix, which means there's now no one left to actually tend bar.
Phoebe is forced to fill in because God forbid anyone goes without alcohol for a single minute.
Aahana: Whoa, slow down, girl. You're really going at it, aren't you?
Jane: It's fucking freezing out here! I need the burn to keep me warm.
Aahana, after testing out Jane's method: WOO! I LOVE DRINKING, AND I LOVE PARTYING OUTDOORS IN THE WINTER! LET'S GET OUR BIRTHDAY ON, EVERYBODY!
Jane: I think you're the one who'd better slow down now.
Oh, okay, so we're just going to drink at the edge of the pool in our bathing suits now like we're in the midst of a fucking summer heatwave instead of a winter cyclone? That's a thing that's actually going to happen? I guess I can't stop you if you really want to, but I don't have a very good feeling about it.
Phoebe: I dare you guys to get in. I double dog dare you.
Ha, Phoebe, you're so funny! Surely, nobody is going to take you up on this frankly insane challenge...
All right. Well, it appears as though I was wrong and everyone here has some seriously poor judgment. Willow, you must be standing there to taunt them for their stupidity, right? You're way too smart to even be considering-
Willow: Bombs away! I'm coming in!
*laughs nervously* Very funny, guys. You joined the Polar Bear Plunge club and lived to tell the tale. Now let's stop with the swimming nonsense, put our sensible winter clothes back on, and have a totally safe birthday celebration.
I'd prefer if you put on a coat before you started launching the celebratory confetti cannon, but, you know what, I'm just glad you're out of the water now. The first step is always the hardest.
Simultaneous candle-blowing, engage! Now that that's out of the way, we can all enjoy a delicious slice of cake without giving into the compulsion to take off all our clothes in the process, right?
YOU GUYS! What part of "don't take off all your clothes" don't you understand?!? You all have way too little body fat to protect you from the elements, so don't come crying to me when you turn into human popsicles.
Oh, great. We officially have our first blue-tinged party-goer. Certainly, the sight of him will sober everybody up and keep them away from the pool for the rest of the night. Won't it?
Olive: My, those are some mighty fierce winds a-blowin' in!
That's what I've been trying to tell you, so put on your clothes and find shelter now!
Not you, too, Nico. If I thought anyone had enough sense to stay out of these shenanigans, I was sure it would be you. At this point, I'm pretty sure the sub-zero temperatures are afflicting every single person here with temporary insanity. There's no other possible explanation.
(No, it's certainly not the fact that I chose a location with a pool in the first place or the fact that there is hardly any other seating besides the pool's edge. How could you even suggest I might be at fault?)
At least I can count on Aahana to be sensible. She might be the only one at this point who hasn't changed into their swimsuit and is in fact staying as far away from the pool as remotely possible. I don't even care. All of you can die, and you'd totally deserve it - especially popsicle boy, who just keeps coming back for more torture.
Well, if worst comes to worst, at least everyone can say they died having an amazing time.
Phoebe: That's all, folks! We made it through the entire party without losing anyone! Now you can all go home to your warm beds and hot cocoa and sleep peacefully through the rest of the night.
If only it were so. Someone is definitely going to be sleeping sooner rather than later, and I'm afraid it's going to be a watery grave for this poor soul.
Nico: Uh, guys, do you think that guy needs help? He doesn't look so great.
Sadly, I'm pretty sure he's beyond help at this point. Turns out there is such a thing as partying too hard.
I love how slowly the wave of shock registers as everyone realizes one by one what's going on. Strangely, those closest to the pool seem to be the last to catch on.
Nico: Ah, maybe I was overreacting. I'm sure he'll pop back up any minute now!
The broad spectrum of body language happening right now is hilarious. Olive is willfully oblivious, Aahana and Sofia are devastated, Ivy is distracted by some damn good cake, and Willow just can't be bothered with the stupidity of it all. I guess I'm sad about this guy's death, but, let's be real, I didn't even know him well enough to remember his name. I'm allowed to make light of all this.
Okay, you know what, actually, I take that back. This is a pretty grim sight.
Get out of the fucking water! I know you want to be heroes, but he can't be saved! You're only risking your own lives!
Yeah, guys, that's the goddamn Grip Reaper. This isn't a joke. It's really happening!
There's so much crying and reaping of souls going on right now, I have no idea what to focus on.
Sadly, the chaos caused me to realize too late that Melinda had jumped into the pool, too, and was rapidly reaching that level of coldness from which there is no return. Even changing into her outerwear doesn't save her, and, if you squint (although I wouldn't), you can see her red-coated form faintly fading to the bottom of the pool. I was in too much of a state of shock to capture her death in any greater detail or have anyone attempt to bargain with the Grim Reaper for her life.
Needless to say, this party has fallen off a cliff into devastation central real quick.
Luna was the only one who managed to avoid witnessing the double drowning firsthand, but you can tell she knows something is up and is afraid to find out exactly what. Also, I'm shocked she managed to survive sitting over there playing Don't Wake the Llama in her bikini this entire time. The universe is truly on her side.
Jane: If there was ever an occasion that called for a drink, it's now.
Aahana: Pour me a glass of the strongest thing you've got.
Nico, the first to sense that something was wrong, is the last to accept the fact that two people just died excruciating deaths in his presence. He'd much rather pretend that everything is fine by stuffing his face full of cake.
Nico: Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff, all right.
Aahana: How can you possibly be so callous at a time like this?
The full gravity of the situation hits him mere moments later, and the waterworks are immediately flowing.
Nico: Quick, we've got to dig a grave and bury the bodies before anybody else finds out! If the police catch wind of this, they'll send us all to prison for murder, no doubt about it!
I appreciate your concern, but I think it's going to be okay. As sad as they were, these deaths were purely accidental. I guess if anyone's a murderer in this scenario it's me for failing to foresee that something like this might happen.
The graves will remain at the Bluffs, forever a reminder of their owners' tragic fate.
Phoebe and Jane, simultaneously: Sorry, but I don't think I can come into work today. Two of my friends just died in a freak winter swimming accident, and I'm not really feeling up to it.
Aahana did go to work, but only because I really wanted her to get the promotion she was all set up for. Luckily, she got it, but I still feel really shitty for placing her career above her need to properly mourn.
This is the face of someone who has stared Death in the eyes, watched him take two souls who in different circumstances could have easily included her own, and returned forever changed.
So, listen. Yeah, Melinda is dead, and it's pretty sad, but to be honest I was bored with her and planning on moving her out shortly after her birthday anyway. I guess it would've been a happier farewell for her to have a shot at life out in the wild than to be irrevocably dead, but it certainly made for good drama and they're all just a bunch of pixels anyway. They'll come out okay in the end.