Suburban Bliss I: Hello, Midlife Crisis!

As promised, here are the beginnings of a new series in which we witness Salim's rapid but entirely in-character transformation into a typical suburban dad. I'll be honest: I planned to spend more time with him, but I very quickly got sucked into the orbit of his daughter instead and became almost entirely consumed by her adventures (as you'll see very soon). For that reason, this will likely be an infrequent series, just enough to assure anyone who cares that he wasn't just cast off into the Sim abyss to fester and die alone.



As I mentioned in my last post, Salim finally decided to strike out on his own and settle down in Brindleton Bay. Naturally, his first line of action upon moving in was to sit on the classy new sofa playing video games all day.


I can't move a Sim into a new house without taking a few moments to admire my decorating skills. Here's the dining room/office area.


Combination bathroom/laundry room, cute half-wall idea courtesy of my sister.


Master bedroom: clean and simple because Salim seems like a no-frills kind of guy when it comes to home decor.


Salim: Poor old me! I've got this big, beautiful new house and no one to share it with!


Well, the idea is for that to change very, very soon. Until then, though, Salim can stave off loneliness by befriending the multitude of adorable stray dogs that seem to run the town.


He's taken with one dog in particular, this adorable spotted fella named Waffle. They became fast friends.


Salim: Listen, your mom told me I have to ask about this phase you're supposedly going through right now. So what's the deal with that? Should I be worried?


Honestly, I feel this so hard. Fuck what the rest of the world says and stoke that fire inside, Phoebe!


Maki is over for her first visit to the new house, and I'm a bit worried. She really doesn't look too impressed.

Maki: Really?!? You expect me to make love on this hideous bedspread? Unacceptable!


Aww, it's a sort of family dinner! How cute!


Maki: Were you raised by wolves, child? That's quite the mouth you've got on you.


Phoebe: What are you talking about? I'm a perfect little angel, right, Daddy?
Salim: *is helpless to resist his daughter's charm* Of course, sweetheart. You're the best girl in the whole world!


Oh, I see someone's putting on the moves something fierce. This must be the moment he asked Maki to move in with him.


Guess what? Her non-committal ass actually said yes, which means I finally got to get her into a new outfit. I tried to keep her kooky, colorful personality present while toning down the clashing patterns and colors just a tad. She looks beautiful, in my opinion.


Also, it turns out she's, like, a master-level painter who can churn out literal masterpieces like nobody's business. Who knew that chaotic exterior was hiding so much talent?


Okay, here's the thing. As you know, Maki was totally not about that married life every time Salim attempted to propose. But I modded my game so that Sims randomly get married and have babies, and I didn't think it would be a big deal not to exclude played households because I only had one at that time. Then it went and married Salim and Maki automatically literally five minutes after I left them. So we're just going to hand-wave this away as Maki being more averse to the whole spectacle of a big wedding than marriage itself, congratulate the happy couple, and be done with it.


We return to the newlyweds to find them creepily reaching out toward the fireplace in unison like a couple of possessed psychos. Are we sure "getting married" wasn't really code for joining a cult?


Anyway, as the weather lately has indicated, the Sim world is in the throes of a long and harsh winter, which means the threat of freezing to death every time one steps outside but also means holiday celebrations galore! Since Christmas (sorry, "Winterfest") at the apartment would be a bit cramped, Salim and Maki spruced up the house with some decorations and, of course, a huge tree and invited everyone over for some fun-filled family festivities.


No holiday celebration is complete without mistletoe, of course! Although Maki probably could have picked a more romantic location than the laundry room to corner Salim into kissing her.


Oh, who am I kidding? It's still romantic as fuck.


The Winterfest gathering starts off with some good old holiday carols around the tree. Phoebe, though, isn't particularly interested in joining along. Suddenly, this is the one moment in her life where she's totally into doing her homework.


While Maki prepares a grand dinner, Salim draws Phoebe away from her highly important studies with the lure of gifts, which is almost always guaranteed to work.


Salim's just a regular Santa, as he's sure not to leave Zora and Miko empty-handed.


That roasted turkey looks perfect! Is there anything Maki isn't secretly a genius at?


Salim: Babe, the food looks amazing! You're amazing!
Maki: I know... But go ahead and say it a couple more times. I don't mind.


Maki: Dinner's on! All children away from the TV and to the dinner table!
Phoebe: Okay, okay. I get it, lady. You can put that bell away any time now.


Hey, nobody said she had to stay at the dinner table. She swiped a plate and headed straight back to the sofa to stuff her face in front of the TV. Can't miss a second of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, after all.


Salim kept randomly Santa-Claus-belly-laughing over the course of dinner, which was funny at first but became off-putting rather quickly.

Maki: Honey, stop. I think you're scaring the baby.


Nico desperately wants someone to save him from this creepy laughing man who trapped him in a high chair prison and won't let him out.


Salim: Well, look who decided to grace us with her presence at the dining room table after all!
Phoebe: Shut up, Dad, and let me eat in peace.


More presents! It's a bit baffling how a big canvas fit inside that tiny box, but Maki gifted Zora one of her masterpieces, sure to accrue only more value as time goes on.


Maki: Really? Do you find my food that disgusting?
Zora: Sorry, it's just the morning sickness. *swallows painfully* All good now! No worries here!


Finally, the hour arrives for... Father Winter (sorry, I had to Google the Sims equivalent of Santa Claus) to make his much-anticipated appearance.

Salim: Okay, don't look behind you. I don't want to freak you out but-
Maki: Oh my God, he's here, isn't he?!? HE'S HERE!!!!!


Maki: Excuse me, what did you do to deserve the first gift?


Phoebe: Sorry, but I'm not buying it. He's just a regular old dude in a funny costume. Call me when you can actually prove he came from the North Pole or has ever even seen a reindeer.


Maki is really holding onto her grudge against Father Christmas for daring to find Salim more deserving of a present than her.

Maki: I will beat the goddamn presents out of you, old man! I know you're hiding more underneath that ugly robe!
Miko: Oooookay, Phoebs, I think we'd better get out of here before it's past your bedtime.


I'm honestly not even upset. It's good to see the old erratic Maki is still hanging on behind her new housewife exterior.


I am a bit concerned how this will impact Phoebe, though, because this is the look of a girl who's just found her new hero.


Speaking of Phoebe, I knew her birthday was coming up soon, and I was about to switch households to witness it when Salim got an invitation to her party. After him and Maki, the first guest to arrive is Phoebe's friend, Jane, who is already all grown up herself and totally rocking that amazingly tacky nouveau riche party outfit.


Unfortunately, Phoebe was off at school for half the party's duration, which is a bit counterproductive to its supposed purpose. As a result, a pregnant Zora gently bobbing along to the record player with Nico was the main mode of entertainment for several hours.


At least the caterer has arrived! I was wondering where the birthday cake was actually going to come from, since Maki got chastised by Zora when she attempted to make one herself.


Jane: No offense, but when is this party really going to get started? I didn't come all the way over here to hang out with a bunch of old people and a baby.
Zora: Old people? How dare you?!?


Aahana arrives, and oh, man, these two look like trouble of the most entertaining variety. I can't wait to see the sort of shenanigans Phoebe gets up to with them when she finally grows up!


Phoebe wastes no time heading straight for the cake as soon as she gets home. Salim better get his butt over here to witness it considering that's the sole reason he was invited over in the first place.


All of the adults, including the caterer (and Zora's landlord, who I'm pretty sure she's literally never interacted with but was invited for some unfathomable reason), were too busy getting down to Zora's utterly epic violin-playing to notice the candles getting blown out.


Phoebe: Yes! I'm totally cool now, just like you guys!
Aahana: The outfit needs a little work, but I do see potential.


Salim: Hey there, Jane! You've certainly grown up, haven't you? Do you still think I'm the world's coolest dad?
Jane: Oh God, did I say that? No, Mr. Benali. Just... no.

I feel like this exact moment marks the transition in Salim's life from hip young father to middle-aged suburban dad trying desperately to hold onto the last fleeting remnants of youth by trying to live vicariously through his now teenage daughter and failing miserably.


Salim: What are you girls watching? Must be something pretty cool since you can't seem to take your eyes away!


Salim: *laughs hysterically* Oh, that's a good one! I love that one! Let's see another!
Jane: Phoebe, I love you, girl, but your dad is an embarrassment to humanity.
Phoebe: I know. *closes eyes and sighs deeply* I know.


Salim: FATHER/DAUGHTER SELFIE TIME!!!!!
Phoebe: You know I'm only doing this to humor you, right?


Salim knew it was time to leave the party when Jane started doing sit-ups in her short, short skirt directly behind him and he didn't quite know what to do with his feelings about that. His daughter is a teenager now with friends in sexy outfits, and he's just a bumbling out-of-touch old guy who refuses to cut off his tiny man bun. Is this the official start of his midlife crisis?